Dear Darling of my past
I was motivated, throughout most of my life, to find true love. This is because I believed that love was a treasure to be found in hidden places outside of my personal cave. I was searching for someone, a knight in shining armour to come into my life and save me from the pain that I was feeling. I was searching for an external liberator, for someone to take me to a hopeful place.
Thankfully, this was not part of my story.
Unforeseen circumstances in the form of a global pandemic, forced me into a lockdown situation and I could no longer ignore the reflection in the mirror. It confronted me daily. And I decided to stop running. I chose, instead of escaping, to be reacquainted with the image that appeared before me.
Through this process of sitting, questioning, contemplating and crying, something emerged from within me. It was a realisation that I am what I have been looking for all along. This was quite profound for me. I had not expected to stumble upon the love of my life in this non-dramatic manner. At the same time, I was relieved that it was someone that I could get to know right away. And spend as much time as I desire, with her.
Therefore, please forgive me for placing the burden of loving me on you. I take full responsibility for my ignorance. I was not any wiser. Because I didn’t know that loving myself was my responsibility.
I also had no clue that true love would emerge through these small acts of self-love. And not in the form of a knight in shining armour. But in a formless way, because that’s what I believe love is.
Formless, Eternal, Infinite.
And sometimes I forget that this love already exists inside of me and I find myself wanting. But I feel very grateful that love calls me back home, every time. And this has happened enough times for me to understand that I can return home to love at any given moment. I have experienced the feeling of home within the boundary of my physical body.
And so I thank you for being a part of my life.
When we parted, my heart, cracked open and some hearts are very stubborn. Let me rather say that I possess a very stubborn heart and it needed to be cracked open. And our interactions in this life, allowed for that to happen.
So that I could experience True Love, within the confines of my body.
